18 september 2011
Ever googled on your own name? Well do so. I do at least once or twice a month, just checking if there are no things connected to my name that cannot see the light of day or things I wrote somewhere, an opinion on a world concerning issue that might change the view different parts of my life have of me.
Today in a moment of questioning myself what shall I do today before I pick up the plan of degreasing my kitchen for instance, or whether I go to the biological market or just to the night market later… I decided to google my name. I agree there are many more other more interesting things I could do but saving my good name is strangely enough at some priority position on my list. I wish it were not so difficult to be honest .. and maybe one day I can’t care less anymore what people think of me. That would be also the day I would throw my websites live to read for all the world and a lot of people would get to know a lot about what I think about things and people, maybe also of them… That might be surprisingly joyful for many if they would even care to know what I think of them. But also shocking for others .. if they would care but I am almost certain they know how rotten they are. By that time I can’t care less and also there will not be that many surprised people in that category. See, when I sense bad vibes around people, I am mostly one of the first to notice. Not that it happens all the time, but sometimes. When it happens, I cannot ignore those vibes. They are so vivid, so all around that it makes me nervous and it gets all over me and can’t think of anything else anymore.
It gets worse when I notice that people I care for just don’t see or feel what I see and feel and blindly think these are really great people… It even gets so bad that even when just the name of that person is mentioned … I get all upset. Sometimes it just took a little while, sometimes it took way longer, I was always right, I am not happy to say. Simply this is something I would be happy to be proven wrong about. Maybe someday I will explain more and maybe I will even tell you who they are, these people. You might even know one or more of them ….
But this was not what I wanted to tell at all. So I look for my name Michele S … Ever wondered how many people carry the same name? Your name? Or is it just me? Not even counting all the anonymous people there are not to be googled on, but that is something you can check on the white pages through all kinds of phone books to be found on the internet. I guess I am about the only Michele S in the Netherlands, at least I hope. But in the US….. dozens of people have the same name.. my name. I agree it makes the search for information on me for whoever would be interested a nice puzzle, but still this is also not what I wanted. I do not want to be dozens of me. Google provides a banker, a broker, a ballet dancer and many many more interesting or non interesting characters. I once even thought about getting in touch with all of them and form something like a nice club or a foundation..
In the meantime all my cast iron pans are on the stove cooking clean…. I can’t go anywhere else for now anyway …
So if there is a moment you have nothing else to do when your pans are on the stove, just google on your name and see who they are and what they do with their lives. Maybe you find none, then you are lucky or not, depends on how you look at it. I though, I seriously consider changing my first name into maybe Mic (this is how one of my colleagues calls me) or Mike, or Mies the way some relatives and friends do… I am more thinking about my second name ‘Antoinette’ that is a nice name. I googled on that one Antoinette S. Google responded in Dutch, “Bedoelde u: Antoinette Schiller?”, which means as much as Do you mean: … etc. Great!! This is what I am looking for. Absolutely I do not want to be found by Google or any other search engine. But being there multiple times in all kinds of strange professions, age and look??
